If you’ve watched much television lately, you have probably been subjected to a vast array of commercials promoting various pills, creams, and injections purported to cure every malady you might have from head (thinning hair) to toe (fungus). But you may not have noticed the startling side effects these products may produce. That’s because such information is typically shared in tiny print or fast, soft voices.
For your benefit, I have provided a composite of those side effects to keep you aware. For example, such products could cause any or all of these problems: room-clearing flatulence, a desire to bite off your own little fingers, bingeing on toasted grasshoppers, bursts of profanity at wedding ceremonies, a longing to have a king cobra as a pet, and deep trust in politicians’ promises. If any of your medical side effects bring on sudden death, please call 9-1-1 (if you can remember the number). You’re welcome.
